Really Good with Crazy Low Odds

Today is Thursday December 10. It's 2am and I've been up for two hours. I can't sleep. I designed our Christmas cards and ordered photos of our beautiful girls, from the hotel lobby computer. Then I decided I should prepare this blog...to save for posting in a couple of days. (I know I'm someday going to want to read back my thoughts from this day) I've been sitting here looking at this empty page for some time now, wondering how I even begin. So I'm going to just lay it out there.


Nicholas, Esther and I have spent the past 2 days at Mayo Clinic. A place I'm quite familiar with and fond of. Amazing experts behind every door. It feels strange though, to be the patient. In the last 48 hours I've had appointments, ultrasounds, a biopsy, and lab work.


Less than 12 hours ago I recieved a cancer diagnosis. I turned 34 last week. To say I'm in shock is probably an understatement. He walked into the room and said, "It's going to have to come out. It's full of bad stuff." As he slid into his chair I questioned exactly what kind of bad stuff. "Nothing good." he said. "Cancer" I asked. "Yes" he said while nodding his head. I sat biting my lip to help maintain my composure. Alternately shaking my head "yes" to acknowledge his words and "no" to try and deny them. He smoothly transitioned into the positive outlook of surgery and the highly likelyhood that they'll be able to just cut it all out and be done with it. After giving us the diagnosis, I was handed a stack of reading material. A little book titled "Thyroid Cancer" was on top. In the "Thyroid Surgery" book, my doctor circled the portion where is shows a total removal.

There are so many words swirling in my head from today. Hypodense, irregular, highly suspicious, cacification, and papillary carcinoma. I have timelines and prognosis and potential treatments, all new today. I have questions, a lot of questions, starting with how and why and what.


I have a schedule of appointments and a vague timeline of how this will go. Tomorrow will start with another ultrasound to determine the staging. Basically, that will help my doctors decide if the cancer has spread to my lymphatic system or any tissue surrounding my thyroid. After the ultrasound, I will meet the surgeon who will explain to me the details of the procedure and schedule my surgery. I will have surgery before the end of the year to remove my thyroid and the cancer it's holding.


I cannot say enough how absolutely thankful I am for His proding, giving me the feeling that I needed to come to Mayo for this. So many things fell into place in order for me to be here at Mayo this quickly and to recieve such fast and expert care. Only God could arrange all that happened. I am so thankful for his provision!


I sat in the hot tub at the hotel tonight watching Esther splash on the edge of the pool. The first tears of today came thinking about how quickly 5 years goes. How in 5 years, she'll only be 6. They measure all prognosis based on 5 year suvival rates. (Which are really really good for thyroid cancer! I mean if ya got to pick which kind...it's probably top 10 of the list.) I don't know the number of my days but I know I want to live to be really really old. I tear now thinking of the worry my girls will have and carry when we tell them. (We're waiting until we get home.)


I know that the One who holds my life in His palm is the same One who knew every day of my life before I was even made. I find peace knowing that this is the path my God has for me and that He is and will continue to be my perfect Father right here at my side.


On a lighter note...Nicholas and I were discussing the probablility of one person experiencing a tornado, a child with rett syndrome and cancer before age 35!? We decided we should play the lottery because apparently we're really good with crazy low odds!


So friends, please pray for me and for my family.
~Angie